How far can you see?

If you've never checked out Cedar Hill Ranch blog, you should.  Anita @Cedar Hill Ranch recently mentions something very true that rang like a bell to me.  She said,
"If you don't have a vision, how will you ever know when you've arrived?"

That's why today I repeat, mostly to myself, 

"You gotta have a vision".

And someone much more famous than both of us said,

"The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision."
...Helen Keller.

I always have had vision, seeing the big picture and "having vision" is not my problem.  You know, the ability to see beyond the mess to the possibilities.
What I have been struggling with lately is having a clear vision.

My view has become a little cloudy and I have been afraid to say this out loud,

"Is this really the place for me?"
and
"What good am I doing here all by myself?"
and,
 as ridiculous as it sounds,
"How will I do all this when I'm 80?"

I had one clear vision when I first moved here to Le Farm.
It was fresh and new and I was unstoppable.
That vision has even evolved off and on a bit into a bigger dream until some larger obstacles recently started to appear.

(Not so unstoppable, it seems.)

...and then the doubt...the dreaded doubt,  creeps in and starts to fester.
Doubt is hard to deal with when it is mainly involving your own abilities or rather, your own limitations. ("I AM WOMAN" ain't cutting it these days no matter how loudly I scream it!)

I have lived here alone over one year now.  I know what it takes to run this place.  It is no longer fresh and new. Have I gotten bored or just plain tired?
I remind myself of my blog entry, "How owing a farm is like having a newborn"...
This poor ol' momma is pooped and it doesn't look like I'll be able to take a nap any time soon.

Maybe it is just fear now that I realize the real reality of it all.  It's really real.

There is no humdrum here.
It is all fast forward and I need to stay on top of everything or it runs away without me.

So, what's the problem?

The main issue is time.  It takes time to do all that a farm requires.  Right now, I have a demanding job that keeps me traveling almost every day.  This job is wonderful and I'd like to keep it for the next 5 years if they keep paying me to do it.

I am finding that it's hard to do both. Something has to give and I have not been able to keep up as well as I thought I could here on the farm.

So, what is the answer?

My friends say that giving up the farm is nothing to be ashamed of, if you cannot enjoy it.
(I do still enjoy it.  My heart says I'd be sorry if I did that.)

Decisions must be made to make my life here on Le Farm less "hard".
I decided to find a handyman that can come in with his tool belt and fix all the things I can't do.
And I may need to find someone to come and bush hog the field down, help me build the hoop house, prune the blackberry patch, etc.

Just coming up with solutions seems to take the load off a little.
I can breathe in the air of resolution.

I am going to take a big ol' breath.
Breathing in.....Breathing out.
"Are we there yet?"

C.H.A.N.G.E.

"C H A N G E....to transform, to cause to be different, to give a completely different form or appearance to."

I.  Love.  It.

I do!

...and I always will.

I change my home, I change my gardens, I change my music and I change my mind.

I don't have a problem moving on.

I get it if you can't relate.  (Believe me when I say that...I gave birth to a son that hates it.

It has much to do with his astrological sign, I think.  He fits the characteristics of a Taurus to a tee.)

I, on the other hand, am an Aquarius.

I say, "Bring it on!

No judgment, just jump in with me with all ya got!"

Seriously, I had a hard time dealing with my children's temperaments until I read their astrological signs.  Now, I understand who they are a little bit better.  You may not "believe" in that stuff...

that's ok because that really isn't my focus here anyway!

This is all about change and looking at things a bit differently, not being afraid to try something bold, daring and maybe a little crazy...but in a good way.

I have some excellent examples of "befores and afters" to show you.  Sort of an extreme mini-makeover post for those that love to look at pictures.  I have said it before...I am a visual learner.  

I get inspired by seeing. 

These things make me happy!

...so, here you go!

Fireplace Makeover...before was nice, but after was stunning!

Chair Makeover...before was blah but after was ooh-la-la!

Table and Chairs Makeover...before was brown, brown, brown, brown, brown (I can't even find the boring brown picture), after was so very fresh and country french!

And lastly, a heart warming before and after of my little darlings...who are not so little any more.

Nothing kept them inside...even the rain.  This picture makes me laugh...;?)

Still fun and Fabulous!

Go make some change happen in your world...

Supersized peppers and the chemically induced mindset...

"These banana peppers seem so small compared to the huge ones I usually buy."

Ever hear those words at the farmer's market?

I did...yesterday.

A simple statement that brings up a nasty topic...

SUPERSIZED vegetables are NOT bigger and better!

People have forgotten what food used to look like before "miracle growth solutions" artificially pumped and plumped up our fruit and vegetables.  

For instance...remember the small sweet strawberries from your youth?  Those they were naturally grown in dirt with some manure, the rain and sunshine.  Strawberries are now tasteless, freakishly mega-sized and chemically induced.  

Hello...have we forgotten? Peppers are not naturally grown to the size of footballs.  There are consequences to tampering with Mother Nature.  Unfortunately, even farmers get sucked into this unnatural freak show, somehow believing that they need to grow vegetables that are the size of Shrek.  I'll never understand this, because as a farmer, I only want to grow food that is good for you... and not cause a mutated strain of cells in your kids.

I'm totally serious here, folks.

The real damage this is doing is fooling the public to think that these are better to buy.

(Just like my market goer's opinion. And she told me she was trying to get serious about buying healthy food for her kids.)  The complete opposite is true.  You are opening the door for major health disasters if you believe this, too.  

(Whoever did the marketing on this one is a genius.)

Ill leave you with two thoughts,

1.  Karma is a "b*tch", 

and

2. You can't fool Mother Nature.

Free to a good home...

I love to give things away...for free! If I have no where to put it, or I never use it, or it is more trouble than its worth, I'll give it away.  My favorite place to do it is to wheel the item(s) out to the curb with a big "FREE" sign on them.  It is amazing how quickly they get gone.  It's a good thing for all involved.

When I moved to SC, I had a few modern furniture items that were nice but did not fit here.  Rather than move them,  out to the curb they went.  Everything was gone in a day. Sure, I could have sold them... but why not make someone's day?  Serendipity! Have you ever done it?  It feels great.  No strings, no expectations, and mostly no hassle.   

Since I've moved here last year, I've given away an uncomfortable desk chair and tonight, a push lawnmower, that still works but could use some TLC.  It is really tough to start, and I could see myself pulling some muscle that would put me down for a good long while.  I can't afford injury so out it went.  I probably used it just a few times in the past year.  Time for a gas powered weed eater!

I still have a broom and a decorative glass candle holder that someone left out near the garbage bin at my apartment years ago. They were too nice to throw out and so they were left for the taking. 

I figured it's time to "pay it forward".  

So, I did...

...and I still am.

Try it.

You'll love it.

Watch out...I have a power tool and I'm not afraid to use it...!

Question... What do you get when you combine four posts, four 2x6's, a drill, and someone that knows just enough to be dangerous?

Answer... An arbor for climbing roses!

Don't you just love creative projects that don't take much time?  

It seems everything I have to do around here takes me so much time to accomplish that, now and then, something I can do start to finish in a few hours is pure bliss.

Well, I gotta say, digging holes in >90 degrees F (in the sun) with 85% humidity was less than fun, but in short order I was able to put together an 8' arbor so someday sweet smelling pale pink roses can grace it.

The bistro set was my dad's and I painted it blue.

I think I will love sitting here surrounded by the sweet smell of roses on the breeze.  

Oh...just in case,

Watch out...I have a paint brush and I'm not afraid to use it!